I recently had an amazing conversation with coworkers about gender identity and gender expression. One individual said I was brave for living freely and sharing my personal truths. I never know how to react when people call me brave. I feel like being open about my existence is something I should do. I often think of people who aren’t lucky like I am. I think of what my life might have been like if my family or friends didn’t accept me when I came out as gay and genderfluid.
When I think about my community, people in the LGBTQ+ community, but especially individuals who are trans or non-binary, I ache. I feel such an immense sadness when I think of the struggles they face, often just to be safe, much less accepted and treated as equal. I am incredibly lucky not to struggle nearly as much in my life. There are moments where I struggle because of my gender or sexuality, but in general I have been lucky.
Someone told me recently I shouldn’t feel responsible to share my story, I shouldn’t feel responsible to bare myself in order to help others be accepted. But that’s how I truly feel. I am responsible not only to myself. My community struggles together- some are focused on basic survival, because that’s all their circumstances allow. But I, in many ways, am thriving.
Part of my good fortune comes from those who came before. I am lucky to be accepted because many fought for our community in the past. I am responsible to them, to ensure their struggles and sacrifices are not in vain. I am responsible to continue their work. I am responsible to ensure we continue achieving success, acknowledgement, and acceptance.
More than anything, I am responsible to those who struggle while I do not. I would not be able to live with myself knowing I am not using my privilege to work on behalf of others.
Yes, sometimes it’s difficult to share my story. Sometimes I have to defend myself after sharing something incredibly personal and meaningful. I learn more about myself by answering someone’s questions. I fear people see me as a representative of my community, when I am solely an individual. I feel a burden to not make mistakes, as they may detract from the ability of others to gain acceptance.
Sometimes I contemplate hiding more of myself, considering many never feel the need to share. Straight people rarely feel the need to talk about being straight. Cisgender people hardly ever talk about their gender. It’s already normalized- in fact, it’s thought of as the baseline, with everything else being a deviation.
Why, then, do I feel the need to explain and educate? Because I have the privilege of acceptance, the good fortune of curious individuals, the luck of open hearts and minds. Every step I take to further normalize non-binary existence is an easing of the burden on someone else. I truly can’t imagine refusing to use my existence to help others.
Fiercely Fluid 